war of the foxes - richard silken / waterloo - ABBA / euripides’ medea - the little theatre / anne carson / the three fates - luca cambiaso / the oresteia - aeschylus / road to hell II - hadestown / when i met you - mira lightner / andersen’s fairy tale anthology
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looking forward to packing for nyc i was serving before but this time im gonna be unhinged i got knee high platform combat boots and mary jane heels and split toe nikes to style
at my parents’, i stayed up all night talking with my brother and watching genndy tartakovsky’s 2003 clone wars and now my head is pounding, i locked myself out of my car yesterday so i have to go home this morning, drive my friend to work in my mom’s car, return the car so i can have my brother drop me back off at my house, where i will have to AAA a locksmith with my brother’s card to get my stupid car to open. i also have to study python scripting on my friend’s laptop, mine being cracked, and break the news to my dad that we’ll have to change our flights to a later hour so i can make my court appointment, hoping he won’t get super frustrated. it’s saturday, i leave for manhattan for a month in three days; it totally snuck up on me. i’ll have to clean out my car, clean up my house, pack, et cetera. my head is pounding. i know i’ll be happy in just a moment. i’ll be in manhattan again, and i’ll see my sister for the first time in years. i’ll be mucking around central park again, i’ll be sprawled on a sunny rock again staring at my warm red eyelids. i’ve just got to get my shit together.
things have developed in a strange way. what a strange and wonderful year. i’m doing a balancing act with my arms full. i just have to make it to the finish line. i know next year these memories will smooth my brow. i know next year i’ll have an orange kitten to keep me company, i’ll get a few more piercings, and i’ll catch the solar eclipse in the town where my dad was born, in illinois, in april. im not sure what will happen after that. i know it will be interesting. worst case scenario it will be interesting.
i’ve picked up guitar again. i’ve owned this guitar since i was eight but i haven’t touched it in five years and my fingertips have gone numb and peeling from the renewed vigorous practice and it feels divine. and my voice is beautiful. and i am loved in a way i was not sure i would ever be loved again. my head is pounding.
its hard to explain i genuinely think i am a divine being but not in a narcissistic way in a sattvic way…like i am not above but i am apart and i understand, but at the same time i am something completely separate and other, like i have been here before and have always been here and will always be here
